I'm really into asian looking animals
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
