In America we eat man semen.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
