Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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