I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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