i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
