there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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