Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
