oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
