he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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