I met the friendliest cop last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
