I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
