I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
