i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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