Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize