he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
