There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
