I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
