Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize