I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
