guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
