On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize