why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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