You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
did you just send me my own nude
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize