I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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