Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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