We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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