My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
