I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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