he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
