the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
