the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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