I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
