Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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