Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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