Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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