Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
