Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
