oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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