Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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