Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
