we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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