I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
