party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize