Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
