He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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