george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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