I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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