You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My vagina is officially offended.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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