I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
