Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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