# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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