all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
