I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
