This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
