im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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