Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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