I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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