How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
