When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
