Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
