Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God, I missed his penis.
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