Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
