Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
