Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
