I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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