Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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