i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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