You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
