You work out of a Hotel?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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