thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
