I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
