she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize