they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
