why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
