dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
