What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
