NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
