Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
