How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
