I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
