Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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