I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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