u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
