I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
