i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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