Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
