dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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