that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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