I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
