A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
