She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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