I am puke
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
