you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize