Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
