hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
