Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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