I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
