That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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