im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize