i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
