um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just cropdusted the office
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
