A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
