genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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