Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
