Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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