no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They have beer where we have blood.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
