these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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