I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
