Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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