Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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