so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
