when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
