it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
love makes seman taste better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
