Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
