Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
