I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
