Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
