I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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