my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
