it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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