there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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