i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
